Category Archives: estate planning

Shame on You, Jerry Lewis

Jerry Lewis died last month at the age of 91. He is survived by an ex-wife, a current wife, five sons, an adopted daughter and a biological daughter whom he never acknowledged as his. His estate is estimated to be $50 million.

He also left a will, not as part of a trust, which would have kept the will private, but as a public document available to anyone who wants to view it.

One of the provisions in Lewis’ will states: “I have intentionally excluded GARY LEWIS, RONALD LEWIS, ANTHONY JOSEPH LEWIS, CHRISTOPHER JOSEPH LEWIS, SCOTT ANTHONY LEWIS and JOSEPH CHRISTOPHER LEWIS and their descendants as beneficiaries of my estate, it being my intention to that they shall receive no benefits hereunder.”

So I couldn’t help wondering…Did Lewis’ attorney not advise the comedian about creating a trust and keeping his will and his intention to disinherit private? Or did the attorney advise him, but Lewis wanted to publically punish his children? Maybe he wanted to pay them back for not treating him the way he believed he should be treated.

We may never know the real reason for Lewis’ decision to disinherit all the children of his first marriage. His sons have said that their father was hard to get along with, an abusive man who beat them, silenced them and always put himself and his needs first. His ex-wife testified in divorce proceedings that he was a control freak who kept her financially and psychologically dependent.

Too bad. The world could have remembered Lewis for the talented comedian and film producer that he was. If he had set up a trust, he could have expressed his displeasure and wishes privately. When a person allows a will to go through probate, as Lewis did, and the will specifically states that children and their descendants are disinherited, it is the saddest and most visible evidence of a parent/child relationship gone wrong.

“Normal” Life can Change in a Second

We take “normal” life  for granted.

The oncoming car will stay in its lane. The driver behind us won’t ride our rear fender.

The grazing deer won’t run out on the road .

The driver in the weaving car can handle his tire blowout.

The security details at the concert area will prevent a terrorist attack.

“We’ll talk about the details later” Bob had said. “Let’s just enjoy the concert and our Las Vegas weekend. I promise we’ll talk with the attorney next week. ”

Bob had finally taken the time to update his will and estate plan so that it reflected his current marriage to Sheila, his second wife. The updated draft documents  from the attorney were on the living room table. That’s what they needed to discuss, to make sure she understood what was in the plan.

For this couple, next week never happened. Bob is in the hospital on life support, fighting for his life after trying to save Sheila from the savage assault of bullets that rained down on them at the music festival.

The conversation he promised they would have didn’t happen. Bob had delayed for months reviewing the updated will and estate documents.   His first will was still in effect; his first wife and their son had powers of attorney for health care and financial decisions.

At the hospital, the doctors were talking with Bob’s son and first wife. Sheila was not in the loop. If Bob lived, her husband might remain on life support and his first wife would be making decisions about him.  If he died, the current will distributed his assets to his first wife and son. 

“Normal’ life can change in a minute. We have no control except to plan for the things we hope will never happen. Making sure a will is current is one way to do that.

We postpone at our peril and put people we love at risk . Too often, it’s too late.

Married to an Optimist

If you’re married to an optimistic man who is also a procrastinator, beware. He’ll postpone taking action about things he doesn’t like to think about, often until it’s too late. I think of my friend Carol and her husband Ted.

The storm wasn’t supposed to hit until evening. “I’ll only be gone a few hours,” her husband had said. “ I have to meet this client before the weekend. We’ll review the papers when I come back.”

The storm hit early. The bridge held; her husband’s heart didn’t. When she got to the hospital, he was hooked up to life support. His eyes were closed; he couldn’t talk. His sons consulted with the doctor. They ignored her.  Even after ten years, the boys still resented their father’s remarriage after their mother died.

Feeling invisible and helpless, his wife sobbed. If her husband survived, he would need heart surgery and extensive rehabilitation. His outdated estate plan, with provisions tailored for his first marriage, appointed his sons as holding durable powers of attorney.  She would have no say in the matter. She knew the sons would not include her in their decisions. If her husband died, his previous will, still in effect, would benefit the adult sons from his first marriage.

A few weeks before his heart attack, they had consulted an estate attorney to bring the plan up to date and reflect their ten years of marriage. She had been so relieved when her husband finally acknowledged how frightened she was not to have financial protection in case something happened to him.

He was the optimist in the family, always expecting the best, looking for the silver lining around every dark cloud. She loved that about him; it balanced her own tendency to brood and worry about things she couldn’t control.

You have a choice – Create an estate plan, make sure you’ve signed the durable powers of attorney and know that you’ve done what you need to do about things you can’t control.

The other choice? Hope for the best.

 

 

 

 

“Money” Conversation Not About Money

Psychiatrists have long equated the reluctance to write a will, prepare an advance directive or estate plan, with fear of dying.

Who wants to think about planning for death? We have to confront our mortality. No more illusions that it won’t happen to us. We have to face giving up our possessions and power. We have to deal with uncomfortable subjects like aging, illness, death, inheritance and a host of other things we’ve managed to avoid thinking about.

Having the ‘money conversation’ is rarely ‘just about money’. It’s also about family dynamics, mistakes, regrets, guilt, and a host of other issues. Children feel morbid, greedy and intrusive asking their parents questions about money and death. The parents don’t want to start conversations about ‘touchy’ subjects either. The result – people procrastinate, hoping for the best. Hope is not a strategy. It’s a procrastination tool and most often, it doesn’t work.

Click the buy the book button:

www.moneyloveandlegacy.com/

Check out the guide  for opening the conversations that matter between parents and children.Follow the check lists for what parents need to put in place so children aren’t burdened with a financial and legal mess after parents die.

It’s truly an act of love for parents to get their affairs in order.