Author Archives: helga

Shame on You, Jerry Lewis

Jerry Lewis died last month at the age of 91. He is survived by an ex-wife, a current wife, five sons, an adopted daughter and a biological daughter whom he never acknowledged as his. His estate is estimated to be $50 million.

He also left a will, not as part of a trust, which would have kept the will private, but as a public document available to anyone who wants to view it.

One of the provisions in Lewis’ will states: “I have intentionally excluded GARY LEWIS, RONALD LEWIS, ANTHONY JOSEPH LEWIS, CHRISTOPHER JOSEPH LEWIS, SCOTT ANTHONY LEWIS and JOSEPH CHRISTOPHER LEWIS and their descendants as beneficiaries of my estate, it being my intention to that they shall receive no benefits hereunder.”

So I couldn’t help wondering…Did Lewis’ attorney not advise the comedian about creating a trust and keeping his will and his intention to disinherit private? Or did the attorney advise him, but Lewis wanted to publically punish his children? Maybe he wanted to pay them back for not treating him the way he believed he should be treated.

We may never know the real reason for Lewis’ decision to disinherit all the children of his first marriage. His sons have said that their father was hard to get along with, an abusive man who beat them, silenced them and always put himself and his needs first. His ex-wife testified in divorce proceedings that he was a control freak who kept her financially and psychologically dependent.

Too bad. The world could have remembered Lewis for the talented comedian and film producer that he was. If he had set up a trust, he could have expressed his displeasure and wishes privately. When a person allows a will to go through probate, as Lewis did, and the will specifically states that children and their descendants are disinherited, it is the saddest and most visible evidence of a parent/child relationship gone wrong.

John Lennon Got it Right

John Lennon sang “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.”

I know another John. Last week, one of his lunch meetings was cancelled. Because he keeps his bicycle and helmet in the office, John is always ready for an exercise break. A leisurely ride and he’d be back in time for his 2 o’clock meeting. What he didn’t plan on was meeting Robert that day.

Not far away from John’s office, Robert had a doctor’s appointment. His wife was insisting on driving him. Irritated at how she and their children were ganging up on him about giving up the car keys, Robert, 85 years old, wouldn’t listen to them.

“Stop badgering me. I’m just going two miles,” he said, slamming the front door as he left. Climbing into his car, he backed out of the driveway.

Ten minutes later, along the tree-lined road that cast confusing shadows, John was killed when Robert’s car hit him. John’s cell phone was ringing. His daughter was reminding him that they had a date to go Christmas shopping that evening.

John’s family will spend the holidays grieving John’s death. There is no life insurance. John had not paid the premium on time. His wife, as busy with her company as he was with his, didn’t check if he’d paid it. Both their wills needed to be updated; neither could find the time to consult their attorney.

Robert’s family is in shock. Angry, frightened and remorseful, they’re consulting with their attorney about the legal actions they will face as a result of not being insistent enough with Robert.

We can’t see our own life unfolding. But our families will live with the consequences.

Are your insurance premiums paid?

Are you being too soft on someone who shouldn’t be driving anymore?

Or, as John Lennon sang, are you busy making other plans?

 

 

 

“Normal” Life can Change in a Second

We take “normal” life  for granted.

The oncoming car will stay in its lane. The driver behind us won’t ride our rear fender.

The grazing deer won’t run out on the road .

The driver in the weaving car can handle his tire blowout.

The security details at the concert area will prevent a terrorist attack.

“We’ll talk about the details later” Bob had said. “Let’s just enjoy the concert and our Las Vegas weekend. I promise we’ll talk with the attorney next week. ”

Bob had finally taken the time to update his will and estate plan so that it reflected his current marriage to Sheila, his second wife. The updated draft documents  from the attorney were on the living room table. That’s what they needed to discuss, to make sure she understood what was in the plan.

For this couple, next week never happened. Bob is in the hospital on life support, fighting for his life after trying to save Sheila from the savage assault of bullets that rained down on them at the music festival.

The conversation he promised they would have didn’t happen. Bob had delayed for months reviewing the updated will and estate documents.   His first will was still in effect; his first wife and their son had powers of attorney for health care and financial decisions.

At the hospital, the doctors were talking with Bob’s son and first wife. Sheila was not in the loop. If Bob lived, her husband might remain on life support and his first wife would be making decisions about him.  If he died, the current will distributed his assets to his first wife and son. 

“Normal’ life can change in a minute. We have no control except to plan for the things we hope will never happen. Making sure a will is current is one way to do that.

We postpone at our peril and put people we love at risk . Too often, it’s too late.